Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Learning to let go #StartANewLife

I have been a very emotional person from childhood days and over the course of time my EQ( Emotional Quotient) has  increased. Anyone whom I meet becomes close and also becomes very dear to me in a short span. Be it school friends or any relatives. I never realized that in the course of being so close I was being possessive also about them at the same time. It seems so childish to even remember the time when I never allowed my best friend at school to have lunch or tiffin with anyone else. If she was my best friend she should always be with me. My thoughts were immature. Slowly, we all grew up and everyone moved to different places. Nowthe situation  is such that I don't even remember that she was once so close to me. Everyone has to move on in life with time. Time is the best healer. 

Though with age, I have become mature in thoughts, but I still held people close to me very important. In fact anything that was mine had to be mine. It can even be a pencil. When I was in college I had many friends instead of just one. I felt that I was improving slowly. I never allowed myself to get attached to anyone so much and later feel bad when they move away. But, innate feelings will never change. I had one such friend who over the course of my college days had become  a great buddy. I used to hang out with him often and we would also discuss a lot of each other's personal life. In this way one year flew by. It was difficult to pass a day without meeting him and telling about my classes( since he was from a different stream), telling him about family, talking about his life, hearing about his girlfriend and his future. We both had different career goals so it was interesting to know new things. As time passed even he was really very habituated meeting me and discussing with me. We were not lovers, but best of friends, which we had been very clear from day one. There was a time when we all had to leave college after graduating. I remember, I cried profusely during our farewell. It was a feeling that I was never going to meet any of my friends again and also him. He showed no emotions when we parted. It did hurt me initially, but I tried overcoming it. There were months left for us to decide to either take up a job or go for a post graduation course. I chose to study further. The others chose to work. He was also going to work soon. 

I went home and started preparing for my college admissions. I was trying very hard. There were lots of things that were making me miss hostel and college days. We used to talk to each other, but all friends knew that we will be in different places from now on. Everyone had different career aspirations and goals. Slowly things were better as the results of our graduation came. Sometimes I used to miss this friend of my mine, but he never spoke to me after leaving college. We used to discuss so much about our career, I used to talk about my interest in a post graduation course with him and now the same person was not even available to take calls or messages. If I sent any messages to him, he wouldn't respond. He just informed me that he and his girlfriend were having a very tough time so he was not in a great mood. I was very dejected. I had such a good friend but when I was going through a phase of my life which was important to choose my future education, he was not even there to know about my thoughts. It hurt me. 

I questioned him about this sudden change in his behaviour but he didn't choose to answer. I became over emotional at one point and decided never to approach or talk to him again and also cut off our friendship. I was being rude for no reason. Probably being childish again. One fine day he called me, when I blurted out everything that was in my mind. He heard me out patiently, explained things to me and also discussed everything about the daily whereabouts. After listening to me, he only told few things which I remember even today. 

He said," Learn to be dependent on yourself, rather than others. Only your parents and your future partner would be close to you. Rest all will come and go. Never allow yourself to be dependent on anyone for even your emotional needs. Finally, learn to let go."

Those words still ring in my ears. I never called him or messaged him from then. Though we still talk, but I am not the same as before. I made more friends, but I never got close to anyone. The only person I became very close to was my husband, whom I could trust for life. But, I am not too emotionally dependent on him. We both give free space to each other and are each other's support when it comes to handling emotions.

This post has been written for https://housing.com/ #StartANewLife.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Such true words :) this post was very thought provoking :)