Saturday, January 22, 2011

Great expectations

Discussion between Arun and Deepika.

Deepika: Have you started reading the book, " Men are from mars and Women from Venus" Arun?

Arun : Pause.

Scratching his head, " No."

("Phool aur kaante"- Picture courtesy - Ydntn photography)

"I knew you wouldn't have; but just asked," Deepika frowned.

Deepika turned her face towards the balcony and said scornfully, " Okay! Don't read. Do what you want to. "

A minute silence....... this silence prevailed a bit longer than usual. Deepika could never remain silent for more than 5 minutes but it was a miracle and Arun certainly had to question this miracle.

Normal Deepika would ask within 1 minute of making the above statement, "When will you read Arun?"

It was not the same case today. He snatched the book from her hand and looked at it. Flipped through the pages and made certain amusing sounds just to grab her look. She didn't bother.

He took the book. Went to some random page and started reading out aloud.

Arun: Opening with the quote by Dr. John Gray-----

"All men and women have an equal need for love. When these needs are not fulfilled it is easy to have our feelings hurt, for which we blame our partner. "

"So true right!"he said out aloud near Deepika's ears.

"Do you feel so dear?"

Deepika looked at him scornfully again but this time there was a lesser extent of disgust.

She said, " How does it matter what I think?Anyway you will get bored of my talks."

She moved away from him and sat on a cane chair facing him.

He smiled again and continued reading.

She stopped him in the middle and asked, " What's the point in reading this when you don't understand what he is saying in this book? Do you realize what is being told?"

Arun looked very innocently at her. He put the book away for a moment and then kneeled on the floor in order to meet her eyes.

He looked straight into her eyes that were shying away and said, " Look, my dear princess, I understand each and every word that has been written here. I want to tell you something today. Just listen to me. I will drive away your misconceptions."

She blinked her eyes which gave him a signal to proceed. he took the book and went on the opposite cane chair and relaxed himself.

There have been so many instances where you might feel that I have not been up to your expectations. It is quite possible. Not just with you, but with anyone. Nobody is perfect but we just compliment each other.

These are certain things, I want you to understand.

Deepika had never heard Arun talk this way. he was always playful and never actually showed this advising side of his. He looked so mature than her and today she felt that he was certain elder to him in age as well as experience.

Our love has got its beautiful as well as ugly side. It has to be there otherwise we aren't normal. What I want you to do is that you live those instances happily. Try making yourself feel lively despite those horrible feelings.

I might be unknowingly hurting you at times when I don't realize about my acts. It a guy mentality. We are just careless and we don't bother about what others think with small things. Until things are very harshly said we don't realize it is meant to do any harm to someone. Our hearts are not as delicate as you think but we aren't heartless too. Emotions, pain, fear, anger, despair, resentment , ego, everything resides but all I need you to do is just realize the simple fact that I might be from a different planet but I am also like you.

It was long lecture so Arun decided to stop for a while and wait for to speak but Deepika was still as dumb as 30 minutes back. She had a frown on her face and there were lot of things running in her tiny brain( considering that the female brain is a little smaller in size than the mail brain).

Arun wanted some positive reply but he chose to continue further without that too.

There's something which I have found out from your previous complaints that you seem to have a problem with my communicating less with you. Is it still troubling you?

He asked a question expecting an answer but there wasn't.

He said to her, " Do you want to say something?"

" No", she replied sternly.

" You are angry?" Arun asked.

" No", she replied.

" You can continue, " she added.

Arun heaved a sigh of relief and said, " Okay, so you are understanding my point of view?"

" Yes".

That was something affirmative enough for him to proceed.

"Why do you have such high expectations from me when you know I am not that type to come up to those specific expectations? Do you feel that they realistic?"

She gave a horrible look.

He looked pissed off and asked, " What do you want to say? Just say it."

" Look here, I have certain expectations which I can't bring down as they are the basic expectations which any girl has. I will try to at least look for those in you, " Deepika finally spoke up after 45 minutes of silence.

"What if you don't find them in me ever?" Arun asked her seriously.

Deepika kept blinking and then said, " I don't know. I will be upset. I will tell you that I am not happy about it and ask you to help me out ."

Arun, " Uh!! again the same thing."

" Will you ever accept me Deepika?" Arun asked desperately.

" What's wrong with you Arun? I have accept you as my life partner 3 years back. What sort of a question is that?" Deepika said.

" I have always loved you and accepted you."

" That's not what I am talking about. I want you to accept that there are certain things in me which you can't expect to change overnight. I need to be accepted to feel the change coming easily, " Arun said in a soft tone.

" I don't know what you mean Arun but it is upsetting to know this from you. Why do you feel I shouldn't have any expectations from you? We all have it in us. These are not something which cannot happen. Everyone is like this, " Deepika said still sticking to her point of view.

Actually Deepika was blinded by her own ideas and fact. She never thought through Arun's point of view. She had this feeling withing her that hurt her ego which said, " Why can't he do this little thing for me ? It's not something great to be asked for."

She actually didn't realize that these changes were bound to happen only with time and freedom. Only if she gave him the freedom to change, will he change feeling happy to do something for her.

Things don't come by force or by complaining. They have to be left free.

Men need lot of acceptance and women need love.

It's difficult to strike a balance here because men know how to give acceptance easily. This includes, freedom as well and trust but for them giving out love in the form of expressions is a little slow. Women, on the other hand are very comfortable giving love but the ability to accept their man takes time.

All women are in a fantasy land.

It's those romantic movies, books, gossips or those numerous stories that inspires them to dream this way. This is somehow driving them away from reality and to take a woman out of the dream land, is a man's toughest job. This takes time and this time is not fixed. It's the man who has to take the initiative to explain to his woman that it is high time they start looking at reality.

This process is just like removing knots from a long string. We don't want the string to break but we want to remove those knots.

Arun told Deepika, " Just because I am not reading stuff on relationships doesn't mean that I don't know about them. We guys don't talk about all this but its an understanding that develops automatically. In fact, I have learnt a lot about effective communication from you. "

Someone has said, "Because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."

" In the same way, I love you a Deepika but my way of showing love is different than you expect. Of course I realize what you like and dislike but I need that freedom and happiness to show you my love the way i can, " Arun said holding her hands tightly.

Deepika had a feeble expression on her face. She looked sad after listening to all that and she was lost in thoughts already. Arun had spoken so much and it did affect her . She managed to hold back her tears as she was realizing that she had also done a mistake. She was also very immature to understand about her relationship.

Arun felt that she was upset because what he had told and he was regretting for telling her all that. He didn't know that she was not upset with what he had told. She was upset with her own self. Complicated as women are. It's difficult to understand this until men are told about it.

Deepika was quite lost but Arun made it a point to bring her back to the normal self. He took few small beautiful flowers from a flower pot, collected them together and gave it to her and said, " Will you accept me?"

It was a surprise gesture from Arun. Deepika smiled with her heart full of mirth and alacrity. She felt so happy and surprised to see that sweet action.

It was enough for Arun. He felt relieved.

She held his hand tightly and said, " Don't worry. I am not upset with what you told me. I understand your point of view."

A drop of tear trickled from the corner of her eyes.

Love is sometimes denied, sometimes lost, sometimes unrecognized, but in the end, always found with no regrets, forever valued and kept treasured.