The soothing
music was abruptly converted into noise as my earphones were pulled out. Suddenly
peace transformed into chaos.
“Why do you
always have to do this Manish?” I said glaring at him.
He gave a
mischievous grin. Nothing had changed since the last time we met.
Before I could
realize what was happening, Manish was sitting in front of me with two cups of
coffee.
I wasn’t in a
great state of mind to enjoy coffee but couldn’t refuse him either.
“I think I
have decided what I want in life,” I said.
He seemed to
have a confident look on his face. Taking a sip of coffee he asked, “That
sounds interesting. What do you plan to do?”
I paused for a
while. Three to four gulps of coffee went in before I felt like telling him
about my plans.
“I need some
time before I can get into the wedlock,” I said in a hesitant tone.
“I had asked
for the same, couple of weeks back,” he said with a careless laugh.
“We all
deserve our time and space. It is one life that we have and we need to live
it,” he continued.
“I need more
time… not just a few months,” I said with discomfort.
We might have
to be away for long. I am not sure what decision we would need to take.
There was an
abrupt silence between us.
He looked at
me intensely. That very instant, I knew, he was deeply hurt with my decision.
We sat in
silence for seconds looking at each other. We knew what was coming our way.
He got a grip
on himself and asked, “Where are you going Trishna?”
I dared not spill the
beans so soon.
“Please tell me
Trishna,” he said in a desperate tone.
“I am going to pursue M.S.
from Queensland University.”
“I cleared the online
entrance examination. They have asked me to write back accepting the position after
completing the application formalities,” I continued, taking the last sip of my
cold coffee. “Yuck!!” Coffee was bitter and so was his expression.
“Queensland…
Australia?” he asked, digesting the news.
“So, how long will you
be away?” he finally managed to ask.
“Three years,” I said
bluntly.
“If I am not wrong M.S.
takes 2 years,” he said in a contradictory tone.
“Yes, it does but I
have opted for one extra year of internship. The future prospects are good,” I
replied confidently.
“When did you decide
about this?” Manish asked while his expression said, “Why didn’t you care to
tell me before deciding?”
“That day, when you
decided to postpone the engagement and wedding,” I replied.
My words were like
poisoned arrows that cut across his heart.
“Oh, so you are back to
the same topic? Please stop this drama, Trishna,” he retorted.
“I did not postpone
our engagement and wedding. In fact I never wanted an early engagement. It was what
our families wanted,” he added.
“Didn’t you want the
same thing to happen?” he asked looking at me with an expression that said just-say-you-wanted-the-same-thing-to-happen.
“No, I wanted to have
our engagement and wedding at the right time. I was convinced that this was the
right time,” I said firmly.
“For once, think about
family Manish,” I said in a pleading manner.
“I am a family oriented
man. I know what I am doing is not going to affect anyone. I know how to
convince them, but I think, I can never convince you to believe in me,” he said
in a dejected tone.
“You had your own
selfish reasons that you are naming as career plans. If you had bothered once
about my future plans you would have helped me out by guiding me,” I snapped
back.
The conversation got
heated up.
“Everyone is looking
at you Trishna, please calm down. There’s nothing to get furious about,” Manish
said trying to ease our conversation.
“I have my career plan
set Trishna; I needed your help and support. I thought you could understand and
try letting me out of the muddle I am in at my current workplace.”
“Your career plans are
plans, what about mine?” I said in anger.
“Go ahead, who’s
stopping you,” he replied in an eased out manner.
“That’s exactly what I
am doing,” I smirked.
“You are taking
revenge. This is not called a career plan. You never discussed about your plans
to do your masters, that too from Australia.”
Abrupt silence again.
“How can you decide
something like that without asking me?” the question was fired at me.
“Am I getting married
to you to ask your permission?” I fired back.
“You are full of
sarcasm and vengeance Trishna,” he said with disgust.
“Just because I wanted
to postpone our wedding, you are doing this to me and our families. Why
Trishna? Can you give me a logical explanation?” he asked.
I could read from his
eyes, he had lost half the battle. He knew very well that once I had decided
upon something I wouldn’t budge easily.
I was also in the same
state two weeks back. The complete dilemma I was in got wiped out only when I
met my professor who helped me to decide what was best for my future.
“Trishna, you are
acting childish. Please don’t take such impulsive decisions. We’ll sort it out.
You can have a bright future here. I’ll help you complete your masters in
India,” he said.
“You just need to be
near me,” he said after a pause.
I felt triumphant when
I heard these words but even that could not hold me back. I calmed myself down and
explained to him about my future prospects, career plans, growth and the Skype meeting
I had with the professor. He heard me out in complete silence.
“It won’t be long,
Manish,” I said reassuringly.
“I am not taking
revenge. I am just taking out time to do something for myself.”
“You needed 6 months
and I need 3 years.”
He swayed his head
from side to side showing complete disagreement.
“Three years is too
long. Think about our families. They have become so close,” he said in an
attempt to convince me emotionally.
I had discussed about
my plans with both our parents. My parents were reluctant to support me but I
had to take a stand.
“Manish, I thank you
for doing things against my wish. At least I am inspired to do something for my
happiness and not for others,” I said with a smile.
He smiled back.
“At least you are
happy about something… So when are you leaving for Australia Trishna?” he
asked.
The look on his face
suggested that he had reached that stage of acceptance. I knew he still loved
me the same way but was also disappointed with my decision.
“Next Sunday. The
flight is at 10 PM.”
“Are you coming to see
me off?” I asked anxiously.
“I’ll think about it.
I am not happy with your decision but if you feel it’s a good career option, I
wouldn’t stop you.”
I felt relieved.
“Thanks so much for
understanding,” I told him, genuinely.
He didn’t respond to
anything I said. He had tried to accept the fact but hadn’t been able to come
to terms with his feelings. I tried not to overdo my explanation at this point.
It was getting late so
we bade each other good bye. I was hoping to regain my normal composure by the
next day. Still, as I walked back, I felt a stabbing pain within. On one hand I
was happy to have decided something about my future and on the other hand I
wasn’t prepared to hurt him with my decision.
I went home only to
find my parents sitting gloomily and also hoping at the same time that I might
have changed my decision.
His parents had the
same reaction when he reached home. That’s what I could make out after
eavesdropping on my mother’s conversation.
Over the course of one
year our parents had grown closer than us. While we seemed to be growing further
apart.
********
He did not come to the airport. He called to say
goodbye and alibis to prove that he was absolutely normal. Our parents were
lamenting the fact that we were heading towards a sour relationship. They
didn’t want us to give up on each other because of this distance.
The last text I received from him before leaving
for Australia read, “I love you and always will.”
Tears welled up in my eyes and dried only when I landed
in Australia.
The University and hostel campus were good.
I had made couple of scholar friends online. It didn’t seem a strange place to
me because of their presence.
Rumor had it that Indians were not treated
well in Australia. I was concerned about that and so were my parents. There
were frequent calls, at least twice or thrice a day in the initial few weeks.
A challenging journey was
ahead of me and I somehow had to walk through it. A month got over without any
hassles at the University. I had slight trouble in getting adjusted to the
lifestyle of the people around. I liked sleeping early but the hectic schedule
in the morning made me work harder in order to catch up with the professors’
pace. Everything else seemed normal except for my mind that couldn’t be at
peace.
I wanted to share my
daily experiences with someone close back in India but I had self-imposed
restraints. I didn’t call Manish once I reached Australia, neither did he. He
chose all other options to know about me like enquiring my parents and asking
his parents to call me instead.
I felt that urge to
just give him a call at random hours and tell him that I was missing his
company but the time difference made me step back. I was one of those
non-nagging girlfriends any boy could ever ask for. I didn’t know being that
way could lead to cracks in a relationship.
I tried to convince
myself that he was still not out of the deeply wounded phase. My parents were
normal with me and seemed quite happy hearing of my progress at the University.
There were talks about Manish in between. The same story was repeated time and
again. The blame game was played occasionally, with me ending up in tears.
I was living my ambition
but I was hoping this wouldn’t break our relationship apart. It wasn’t the
first time we were fighting. Similar disagreements, misunderstandings had
happened in the past which of course had gone unnoticed by our parents. Once
our families got involved everything was out in the open. His parents were
supportive and always wished for my bright future. They wished for us to patch
up soon.
I read up articles on
websites and tried talking to my friends online so that I could somehow stop
feeling the breeze of cold feelings between us. But our egos had formed a thick
wall.
I always had the urge
to call him when it was past midnight in India. He was involved in his work
seriously. Staying away from him, not being able to talk to him or convey my
thoughts to him made me retrospect on those aspects of my behavior which he had
tolerated all this while. I tried understanding his views when he was
concentrating on his career move and had plainly refused to get into the
wedlock. Though, he had realized later that the wedding wasn’t going to affect
his work so much as he had assumed. In fact, he said he needed my presence.
Once when I had asked
about his work his mother told me, “He’s not in that enthusiastic state of mind
these days. He works 24/7 and occasionally hangs out with friends. We know how
sad he is feeling inside after you left for Australia. The excitement of
arranging a wedding isn’t there in our family anymore.”
“Please try talking to
him whenever you find time,” she had added in a worried tone.
The next day had
become terrible for me at the University. I couldn’t even concentrate during an
important guest lecture. My roommate also noticed the dull look on my face.
Thinking that I was feeling aloof in a new world, she planned a Saturday night
party with friends.
I had never been to
any party or concert without Manish. We had a large circle of friends. While I
was getting ready I could remember the last concert of Lucky Ali which we had
attended. I was wearing the same top today. However, partying revived my so
called dull spirit.
I was slightly high on
alcohol by the time I returned and had one night of peaceful sleep. For once, I
had only memories from our happy past.
It was 4 AM when my
alarm went blaring, jolting me up from my sleep.
I looked at my phone
and switched the alarm off. Five minutes later I struggled to open my eyes
realizing the motive of the alarm. It was past midnight and I was not the first
one to call Manish on his birthday this time.
First, a deep sense of
regret swiped across me, and then my heart skipped a beat when I realized that
I had forgotten to add enough currency to make a long call to India. I had to
manage with the amount I had. I called him. His phone was busy.
I waited for ten
minutes and tried again. The phone was still busy. I felt a surge of emotions
within. Manish would never talk on phone for so long with anyone except me. I
stopped analyzing the situation for a while. A million thoughts crossed my mind;
probably he had moved on and was busy conversing with his new girlfriends.
I didn’t feel like
calling him again. I lost all courage to talk to him. The very next moment
there was a call from him.
“Hello,” he said.
I was on cloud nine.
“Hiiiiiiiiii! It’s me,
Trishna,” I said excitedly.
I sang the complete
birthday song before he was allowed to react.
He was chuckling on
the other side. His excitement was evident. Moments later he seemed to realize
that I was not in India and said “So, how are you doing? Not interested in
talking to Indians?”
“Who said so?” I snapped
back. “I talk to Indians more frequently than you try talking to Australians”.
“How have you been
Trishna? It has been over two months since we last spoke,” Manish said in a
saddened tone.
Unable to talk about
my current state I diverted the conversation towards my day to day activities
at the University. I asked him about his work life in Hyderabad. We discussed
about our parents and how anxious they were to see us together.
During this casual conversation
I suddenly recalled that Manish’s phone was engaged for quite some time when I
had tried his number.
“Whom were you talking
to for so long Manish?” I enquired in a soft tone keeping my fingers crossed
and wishing it wasn’t a girl.
“Errrrr… ummm…” he
stammered before blurting out the name I didn’t want to hear.
“Shikha.”
There was a stunned
silence. I could only hear the sound of the moving fan.
I regained my
composure and said, “Oh! That’s nice. So how is she doing?”
I went green with
jealousy. I dreaded this fact and it came true. I always hated her. My thoughts
drifted to the day when I had to meet his parents for the first time and he had
invited Shikha also. I was furious. The explanation I got was that he was nervous
and wanted her to be around so that she could help get things moving between me
and his parents. I did agree with that fact but I certainly didn’t want any
other girl to act as a buffer between me and his parents. Once it was time for
us to get engaged or married, Shikha drifted a bit away and gave us our time. A
nice human being that she was, she never failed to make me envy the ease with
which she could handle issues with Manish. She was our mentor in tough times
and now that I was far away, she was the only one Manish opened up to.
My thoughts got
interrupted by Manish’s reply, “She’s doing great. In fact, she might be
married soon. Her parents have started looking for suitable prospects.”
I did heave a sigh of
relief which wasn’t made evident to him on phone.
With marriage came
thoughts that we wanted to avoid. He asked again, “Trishna, how long should we
wait? I am not used to being away from you for so long.”
“We’ll work this out
Manish. We must thank technology for giving us various means to communicate,” I
said in an assertive tone.
“I am not comfortable
as the time zone difference is difficult to maintain for three years. Shall we
make some schedule sort of a thing?”he asked.
I giggled when I heard
it but considered his option seriously.
We decided to talk on
phone every Saturday at a time when both of us were free. It wasn’t like those
five minute calls that I made at home. We had to talk for hours together and
talking on Skype was the best option. It was difficult but we managed.
The initial few months
weren’t good. We only complained and argued. There was nothing constructive.
Time flew by. Blame
game was at the top of the list. It became so difficult to talk lovingly that I
once asked myself, “Do I really need to continue with this relationship and get
married to him?” I had the craziest of doubts about him as I was far away and
felt I had drifted far off from his heart too.
There were exchanges
of loving messages but often when we were offline.
Me: I am really sorry;
I shouldn’t have been harsh on you.
I understand your
point of view.J
Have patience, just 10
more days to go, I will be in India.
These
messages were sent when you were offline.
Manish: I know dear, you didn’t intend to hurt me.
Eager to meet you.
Messages like these
did leave a good impact but often the essence of the conversation was lost. I
wasn’t online always, as I had lot of reading up to do for my assignments and
projects. Manish was busy with his work. He dedicated his time completely to it
so that he could spare time for me when I would be in India.
Finally, the day had
come when I got a short break to come home and spend time with my parents. It
was an exquisite feeling to be with my close ones after two years.
Homecoming was
wonderful. I expected Manish to be there at the airport too but my expectations
didn’t get fulfilled. Unfortunately he had to go to Bangkok for a presentation.
I was happy for him
but hurt with the fact that he didn’t care to inform me. I checked my mail, my
chats and Whatsapp, there was no message pending from him. My mother defended
him saying he had tried to call me up but I wasn’t convinced. The forgetful
nature he had, he would have forgotten that I was going to be in India only for
five days. I met his parents and we finally had a good interaction without any
complaints. Even though I wasn’t able to explain to them in detail, they were
happy about my progress. They indirectly hinted saying that Manish was doing
good emotionally once we had started communicating.
To me, he was never
the emotional type but I had to agree with what his parents had said. Five days
went off in a jiffy and I was back again at the airport assuring my parents
that it was just one more year.
I couldn’t meet Manish.
He was back only after I reached Australia. He deeply regretted not keeping me
informed. We were not on talking terms again for a stretch of four months. We
had our chats and argument sessions which led to problems. His career was
important and he shared only a few technical details with me. He never asked
much about my work either. I could make out from his conversation that his work
was going good but couldn’t decipher more than that.
We kept discussing
petty matters that never got resolved. Sometimes I misunderstood things he
spoke or messaged, and the aftereffects of such conversations left me irritated.
I was halfway through
my internship and had been receiving a decent amount as scholarship. I had
saved enough to buy something for my close ones. Manish had an upper hand in
this. Even though I fought him like a child, I knew it was the distance and
communication gap that made me go mad at him always.
I bought him an iPad
which could be useful for him at work. It was to be my surprise for him when I would
move back to India. My internship was completed successfully and I had been
placed in a Mexican firm as a technical analyst for the research and
development team.
I didn’t plan to jump
to that job immediately. I put forth my wish to work in India. My VISA was also
going to expire soon and I had to decide. I had a meeting with the board
members of the firm and requested them to shift me to their branch in India
which would help me put an end to many problems of my life.
Finally it was my
graduation night, and I had saved enough money to sponsor my parents’ travel to
Australia.
I went to receive them
at the airport with the proud feeling of having graduated.
Finally, that moment had
arrived when I received my degree.
Their eyes were gleaming
with tears. They had seen their daughter emerging triumphant. Their happiness
knew no bounds. The emotional atmosphere got supersaturated with the arrival of
the special chief guest for the night.
When I walked back to
my seat after my valedictory speech, I saw a familiar lanky figure sitting
beside my parents.
There he was, my best
friend, my love and my future partner, looking at me proudly. I rummaged my
mind for words but my eyes answered instead. Manish’s shirt was moist with tear
drizzles when I gave him a tight hug.
I packed off from
Australia after informing my guide about my plan to work in India. He was
reluctant to send me off so soon but he realized the importance I gave to my
family. I had to live up to the promise I had made to my closest people.
While we were at the
airport, Manish and I resumed our normal conversation. We discussed about our
future plans which were related to only wedding. I told him that I had been
offered a job in a Mexican firm which also had an office in India.
“That’s great dear.
We’ll finally be together,” Manish said in a relieved tone.
“But where?” he asked
inquisitively.
“Bangalore,” I said
excitedly.
“But I was planning to
start my new venture in Chennai and our potential client will be located
there,” Manish said in desperation and turned his back after giving a
can-you-really-bear-this-distance-again expression.
“Oh! No!” I screeched
in dismay. (I had to decide something before the situation worsened).
“Don’t worry, I’ll
find myself a new job this time,” I said taking control of the situation.
The very next moment
three smiling faces turned towards me.
